My ramblings...

Welcome to another issue of My Ramblings. I have several items to update you all on but before I get too far into it I would like to thank cow tao whoever you may be. For those of you have no idea what I am talking about I will explain a little bit latter on.

On to the info about the chick. I finally got her phone number from Stoker, who the whole time hadn’t gotten that yet. He got the number for me on Monday and well all day/night Monday I stressed over making the phone call. I didn’t and was advised not to call on Monday as that would look too desperate or eager. So, I waited, I called her yesterday about 1:30ish. She didn’t answer and I got voicemail. Well I left her a message something to the degree that my name is Larry and I got your number from Bryon Stoker who said you might want to go out sometime, so if you would like to give me a call back and provided my phone number. As of yet, I have not heard anything from her. I think I have come to the conclusion that she is not going to call. If she does call then all the better, but if she doesn’t then no loss on my part either. I am not sure why this sort of thing stresses me out so much. Heather and I were having a similar conversation earlier on Monday. We were talking about the various things that stress us out. She stresses over school and not as bad as it once was but little things. I on the other hand stress over very, very few items. School doesn’t bother me, work gets under my skin every now and then but other than that I can’t think of many things that do. The one thing that has been proven to instantly stress me out is this whole dating thing. I know that my blood pressure goes through the roof when I have to deal with something related to it. I have yet to find a way to deal with it effectively. A point was made on the ride home Monday night that I really don’t like admitting but know that it has a lot to do with my stress level and apprehension when it comes to dating which was my self esteem and fear of rejection. Now I know we all have a fear of rejection and this fear is in various degrees I guess or we all have better ways of controlling it. Which it is I am not sure, but my fear is strong and leads to my desire to not socialize with people. Now don’t get confused, I still don’t like people, and with the exception of the few close friends and well known associates I don’t want to socialize with them. But, the ones I do decide to socialize and specifically in the dating situation I struggle with. Now, once I get comfortable in a situation it is sometimes hard to get me to shut up, this also happens with alcohol. Getting to that point however can take considerable time and in the mean time my poor heart is working overtime and beating way more than it should. Yesterday before I called her it was unreal the stress level I was experiencing. You would have thought it better after I called her and left my message, oh no, it was probably worse. I cleaned the whole house that afternoon and spent at most about 15 minutes sitting at any one time. I suppose sometime in the, hopefully near, future I will learn how to manage this, if not my heart is liable to explode.

Ok, so got an interesting email this morning, I got an email advising me that a comment had been posted to my blog. Now, very few people have my address so unless someone came across it on accident then I pretty much know who reads it. Well I didn’t recognize this username cow tao and couldn’t figure why they were commenting on my blog. At first I wasn’t sure where the comment was, one would have figured a very recent post, like the Smart Water or something close. Nope, this was on a post from August 2004. In August I wrote about an experience I had when I got caught in a rainstorm. I was intrigued and has been on my mind all day trying to figure out who this person is since there is no info in their profile. My first assumption was one of my close poet friends (Heather or Bonnie) but quickly ruled them out because of the time stamps on the email comment and their post. The extent of the comment was: See comments at http://cowtao.blogspot.com/. I have to admit I was a little skeptical when I first seen this and was hesitant to click on the link. I did and it would be a good idea for you to click on it before too much longer. Oh, here is my original post; that they ‘modified’ for me. I have to say that I am very impressed with cow tao’s skills to take my random experience and turn it into a work of art. So, I am not sure who you are or honestly what possessed you to do read my blog but thank you. I thoroughly enjoyed seeing what you did to my words and experience. I think what surprised me the most was that I posted that so long ago, so you either had to be familiar with my blog or skimmed/read all of my post. Whatever the case I was flattered. So, thanks cow tao.

Well, I think that is all I have to write about right now. I am going to go sit on my patio and enjoy the beautiful day.