My ramblings...: December 2004

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Some Normalicy

Well it is Thursday and I have finally gotten my world in some manageable order. Still have half a dozen things to get straightened and organized the way I want them but for the most part I am moved. Heather still has quite a bit to do, although her bedroom has been in order for several days now, she still has to move all of her cloths. Christmas is in a few days, I think I am ready. If not I am as ready as I am going to be. It was a light Christmas for me; I have already informed my family of this fact. I have to work Christmas Eve, day and the day after so I will be extremely tired this weekend. I would say that I can at least look forward to partying my ass off on New Years but I also have to work that weekend. Oh well, it will be much needed overtime. I know I promised an update today but I am extremely tired for some reason. I am going to leave you all with lyrics to a song that I have a particular fondness for. I hope you enjoy.

- Larry

Green Day
"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

| 22:14 | |

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

What day is it...

I send you salutations from my bed in Williston. I came back to the Grandmother’s this evening several things I need to do here in town including wrapping all of my Christmas presents. I would have wrote this post from G-ville however my desk is currently in the living room and my computer is not hooked up. Plus it seems while I am there I always have something to be doing like moving the entertainment center for the third time (Heather j/k). Everything is finally starting to take shape. I can’t wait until Thursday when my dresser, bed and our living room set get there. That will finally complete the move. I have not taken a camera up there so I have no pictures to post. I will try and remember to take one with me tomorrow when I go back up. Hopefully I will post them Thursday night as I plan on hooking my computer up as soon as I get my room arranged. The hell with the cloths, a geek has his priorities, I could live out boxes for a week so long as I had my computer. I am going to close this entry as my neck is starting to kill me from laying on my stomach and typing on the laptop on the bed.

More to come on Thursday I promise.

- Larry

| 23:19 | |

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Santa Clause

Poor Santa Clause...

Hope you enjoy!

Click me!!!

- Larry

| 06:29 | |

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Maybe this is why I am still single.
I thought it worked that way too!
If only it did...

- Larry

| 19:29 | |

Tuesday, 12/14

Ok, I am not sure why I catch so much flack about not updating but I can handle it. Is my life just that much more interesting? I wish I could figure it out...
Anyways, I want to start with another set of congratulations for two very important people.

First of all, Heather, you did great in school and have finally graduated. I am very proud of you, and the 4.0 thing, are you trying to show me up? If so, way to go, I really hate being the “good” one all the time! Bonnie, congratulations to both you and Jeff on your engagement! I wish you the both the best of luck and a wonderful life together.

Now that all that of that is taken care of, the countdown has begun. Although Heather has been counting for the last several months, I just started. We have finally secured an apartment and will begin the move in process starting on the 17th. We are both excited, I am sitting in my room with boxes piled all around me. Tomorrow I will probably break down my computer and move my desk so updates might be even scarcer. I do still have my laptop so I will try to update as much as possible. Look for some move in pictures in the future. I don’t get the my bed and dresser until the 23rd. That poses some problems for me moving in all my crap, but I will manage I am sure. We also get our couch, loveseat and chair on the 23rd. Until then the living room will also be slightly bear. I established power and phone service for us yesterday. I will as I am sure Heather will send out an email with our number on it.

Other than that, not much else going on in life, got most of my Christmas shopping done, scratch that one off too.

- Larry

| 18:46 | |

Friday, December 10, 2004

Friday

Welcome to Friday boys and girls!
Sorry I haven’t updated in a while. I have been working and since I have a trainee there is very little time for me to update. Besides that I really haven’t had much going on. I am still single and it looks as if I will be for the holidays, one less present I will have to buy I suppose. Heather’s graduation is today, congrats girl; you have worked very hard the last couple of years. I have taken tonight off so that I might attend the ceremonies this evening. I have about a thousand things to do before Christmas, one majorly important one would be my Christmas shopping. I have yet to accomplish any of it. I have some ideas but am void of ideas for the most part. That is probably the thing I hate the most about Christmas is trying to figure out what the hell to get people. I did start putting up my tree this afternoon. I got it in place and the lights put on it, so all I have left to do is put on the ornaments. In addition to all the Christmas stuff going on I also have to worry about moving in hopefully a couple of days. Heather called the complex today to get a definitive answer but no one got back with her. I will try tomorrow too and maybe they will get aggravated enough to get us an answer. Next week is so going to be here before I know it.

- Larry

| 02:51 | |

Saturday, December 04, 2004

The conclusion

Hello boys and girls. One major topic to discuss today. I do kinda’ think this one will be a long post so allow your selves some time to take in all of my babble. I had to do a lot of thinking about the chick with the kids situation and I am going to try and present my thought pattern to you. I am not sure how successful I am going to be so if you have a confused look on your face when you are done reading you can’t say I didn’t tell you. Besides when you try to understanding the rational of a mad man there is a very good chances that it is not going to make sense. Where to begin? So I returned Pam’s phone call. I didn’t get her and left her voicemail. I half expected her to call me before she went to class that evening but never heard from her. She did call me shortly after 11 which would have been after class. I am going to tell you about the phone call and then try and explain some things. So I talked to her for a while, mindless chit-chat for the most part about the academy and such, I was at work so that was topic of discussion. The conversation proceeded she asked me if I would like to attend Ocala’s Christmas parade today with her and her children. I respectfully declined her offer and advised her that I could not as I was seeing someone at the moment. Respectfully declined, how the hell is that possible (****WARNING: Digression in progress!****). How is it possible to reject someone nicely. That is one of the most horrible feelings to deal with is rejection. Perhaps the reason I have not dated much is the sheer fear of rejection. I really hate to hurt anyone’s feelings and would almost rather me get hurt as to harm someone else. I guess this goes back to my general good naturedness. Ok, back to the phone call. She was understandably shocked and hurt. She apologized and said that she felt like a complete ass or stupid something along those lines. I tried to tell her not to worry about it. She asked me how long I had been seeing her I responded with a couple of months. She asked me why George didn’t know, I told her that we don’t talk very often anymore with both of our typically busy schedules. We continued that discussion for several minutes and I told her that I would love to be able to accept the offer. I am not currently able to recall my exact words but I assured her under any other circumstances I would have said yes and loved to have gone on a date. There of coarse was an uneasiness on the phone after that. We talked for another minute or two and told me that if things didn’t work out and I wanted to give her a call in the future not to hesitate. I thanked her for the offer and we concluded the phone call.

Ok, on to the fun part. I had decided that I was going to go on a date with her. I know that is completely opposite of most of the advice I received but I decided what the hell. You only live once (right Heather) and I could really use the dating experience. So I came to the conclusion after some additional consult with trusted officers. That so long as it was one on one dating and not lets go to the park so the kids can play I would go. As soon as she said the parade with the kids I knew I had to get out of there. So I told a lie. Even though this chick has no clue who I am and I have no responsibility/commitment to her I still felt like crap afterwards. Why didn’t I tell her it was because of the kids? Why didn’t I just tell her the truth? This goes back to those little white lies that are sometimes necessary to protect people. She is a single mother, I have no experience with this personally but from my dealings with people otherwise single moms don’t get a lot of dates just simple because of the kids. I didn’t want that to be the reason she heard from me. As I mentioned I would not have a problem taking someone else’s kids in if I got involved in a serious relationship with a women who had kids. I do not want them now which plays into one of the negatives about this whole thing. But, I didn’t want her to look back on this and say that no one wants to date her because she is a single mom. I would have rather fed her a lie, which she might see right through, than to out and out say that the kids are the reason. So what was going through my mind yesterday? I was trying to deal with this without over analyzing which was one reason I decided that one date couldn’t hurt and planned on accepting. Several things. A big factor was the kids. Like I said above I would not shy away from a relationship with children already a factor at some later point in my life. That however is not what I need to try and deal with at this stage. So this factored against the date. A positive factor, I was really looking forward to having a first date and getting some more experience in the dating game. I was trying to break out of the shell a little and experience some aspects of life I have little experience in. Ok, before I say my next sentence you might want to hold on to your chair or just go ahead and sit on the floor. The idea of getting laid also appealed to me. Why wouldn’t it right, I am still a guy after all, one with some restraint of typical guy things but still a guy. I gathered more information as to my possibility of getting laid at a latter conversation with George after I turned Pam down. I will get into this a little later on. Besides these issues I had some personal ethical/moral issues that I was trying to combat and deal with on this subject. I would imagine single moms with small children are always looking for father figures that they can try and incorporate into their lives. I guess I fit her profile of someone she would trust and love to see raising her kids. I really can’t say for certain that this is the case but the idea of bringing her kids on the first date kinda’ led me to that conclusion. It is a possibility that she was using them as a buffer for the first date to eliminate some of those uneasy and awkward silences. In any case I too feel that kids need a father figure and since there are a lot of single moms out there the good ones are hard to find, this is just as hard to find for the women who do not have kids. In fact, you ladies that do not have kids should be outraged. Here is the woman who is trying to take from your selection of men (not me in particular, more of a general statement, ok wait, me in particular ;-) ). I am also troubled by the fact that I would be mommy’s boyfriend for a month or two and then not be around anymore. There has got to be physiological research that says that this screws the kids up even more than not having a father figure in their lives all together. One minute mom is seeing this guy and the next she has another bo’ in tow. Now I am sure that there are plenty of other guys out there that will jump in and fill the vacancy that I left and not even think twice about the ramifications. But, personally I think I will sleep better at night knowing that I was not a contributing factor to the way these kids are going to end up. You can argue the reverse point to this as well, what will the kids end up like if I had been in there lives even for my brief stint. After all is said and done I am happy with my decision. In my latter conversation I found out some more information that I thought was interesting. I learned of some of Pam’s promiscuity which played into two different aspects of my decision both a good and a bad. That would have made it easier to have been a tag it an leave it relationship playing into the shocker above. That would have been nice, but I was advised to “double bag it” if I decided to pursue it any further. This also plays into my past point of many boyfriends and possibly daddy figures in the kids lives. As much as it would have been nice to been in a tag it and leave it relationship I will wait for one that does not have so much attached to it. I have noticed I have reached to two page point so I will close and perhaps update more this weekend. Please don’t hesitate to tell me your opinions on this situation. Keep in mind that I am still looking for single females without children as I am NOT currently seeing someone unless she has kids and wants to bring them along on the first date.

- Larry

| 16:37 | |

Friday, December 03, 2004

Ok, not what I expected

I figured I would catch some heck about my last post. I suppose there are things going on that I could have told you guys about, just really didn’t feel like writing anything. I have had very little in the way of things to do the last couple of days, but I do have a story to tell you all. On Monday I decide to go and get my hair cut. I had tried to get in touch with a friend that is currently attending the police academy (George). I apparently missed him and he was already in class prior to my call. I decide to finish my running around and get everything accomplished I had set out to do while in the big town of Ocala. When I finally fished it was about quarter till ten, so I decided I would venture over to the college and catch George as he came out of class. I caught up with him and met a few of his classmates. I did not plan on staying long as he was on his way to a study group with them. While standing and talking to him, two other classmates of his came out, both attractive females. We talked for a few minutes upwards to 10 plus then one of them left. The other stayed (Pam) and talked with me and George for another 15-20 minutes. She finally departed and I was going to leave George to his study session. He commented that she must have liked me since she does not socialize with him much otherwise. I dismissed his comments and continued with our conversation and we parted ways. While at work last night George called me on my cell (since we can’t make personal calls from work now). George was telling me that I apparently had sparked an interest. She had discussed with George the fact that she found me physically attractive and provided George with her phone number to give to me. Ok, so I was shocked as hell, though he was trying to play some really late practical joke on me. After some time I finally accepted that facts that he was providing. We were supposed to discuss some other topics about Pam as he has been attending class with her for several months now before I made any decisions. Now I know this all sounds too good to be true, and believe me it is. In my short conversation with George I have learned that she has two children. Now most of you that know me know I would not have a problem taking someone else’s kids in a relationship. However, at my currently location in the game of life that is not what I am looking for. I could not see my self filling the role as it stands today. Now, had Pam not had children I would have jumped at the opportunity and pursued a date. Considering the child situation however I am extremely reluctant. I have been told to “tag it and leave it” however I currently lack the gene that would allow me to do that. I may be a male but that does not mean that in my current mental state I would be about to pull off a tag it and leave it relationship. Hell, look at the last one that should have been a tag it and leave it. I fear that I would want to “be the hero” in the situation and would put myself in a situation I do not want to deal with at this point. I know I need the dating experience and I am not going to argue that fact. I do not want to be in a position of either myself becoming attached, her becoming attached, or the kids, could you imagine that!! At this point I have came to the conclusion that I will not initiate with Pam or even attempt a first date. Should something change I am sure you guys will know about it, but at this point that is my decision.

That is one of the many topics I was told to discuss in the comment on my prior post. I figured that would be the one that sparked the most interest when you guys seen it so why not go ahead and get it out of the way. What else was in there. School, I am just thrilled about that starting back. Moving, I am excited about that. I have to call the complex tomorrow and see if they have a final apartment for us to move into and a date, the sooner the better. Heather is graduating, this is a good thing. I am very proud of her. She has worked very hard since she has been back in school. Christmas, ba’ humbug! And that is all I have to say about that. Jennny where are you Jennny?

Ok, so there went my mind set. While composing this entry my phone rings. A number that I do not recognize comes up on my caller ID. The first thing that comes to mind is that Pam is calling me and apparently George has given her my cell phone number. Since I suspected that it was her I decided not to answer the phone. Shortly there after I decided to check the voicemail and lo and behold I have a message from Pam. She tells me to give her a call back if I would like and provided me with her phone number and that she would be awake for several more hours. I trotted around the comm. Center thinking about this and what to do and weather I should call her back or not. I thought and pondered about this and as usual thought a lot about it. We got kinda’ busy for a little while, it allowed me to ponder this a little longer and decide if I wanted to call her back. I finally got a free second and decided what the hell and called her back. Luckily I got voicemail, so we are playing phone tag with each other already. I left her a message and explained that we were busy and she could give me a call back tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully she won’t wake me up!

I really am not sure why the HELL I did decide to return the call! Why must these things happen to me. This is probably the closest anyone has ever come to busting my bubble!

- Larry

| 06:40 | |

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Congrats

I would first of all like to start out by saying congratulations to a friend. It appears that she has found her purpose and desire in life. Few people come to this realization I therefore applauded you. I would caution you to be patient as very few things happen over night. Hold on to your dream and don’t get discouraged when it takes longer than you had hoped.

On to my life, ...

That about sums it up. I will update you when I can.

- Larry

| 17:39 | |

My ramblings...

Welcome to the ramblings of Larry. Here you can find tons of useless information about my life. I hope you can find some words of wisdom amongst my thoughts if not I am not held responsible. Enjoy.