The conclusion
Hello boys and girls. One major topic to discuss today. I do kinda’ think this one will be a long post so allow your selves some time to take in all of my babble. I had to do a lot of thinking about the chick with the kids situation and I am going to try and present my thought pattern to you. I am not sure how successful I am going to be so if you have a confused look on your face when you are done reading you can’t say I didn’t tell you. Besides when you try to understanding the rational of a mad man there is a very good chances that it is not going to make sense. Where to begin? So I returned Pam’s phone call. I didn’t get her and left her voicemail. I half expected her to call me before she went to class that evening but never heard from her. She did call me shortly after 11 which would have been after class. I am going to tell you about the phone call and then try and explain some things. So I talked to her for a while, mindless chit-chat for the most part about the academy and such, I was at work so that was topic of discussion. The conversation proceeded she asked me if I would like to attend Ocala’s Christmas parade today with her and her children. I respectfully declined her offer and advised her that I could not as I was seeing someone at the moment. Respectfully declined, how the hell is that possible (****WARNING: Digression in progress!****). How is it possible to reject someone nicely. That is one of the most horrible feelings to deal with is rejection. Perhaps the reason I have not dated much is the sheer fear of rejection. I really hate to hurt anyone’s feelings and would almost rather me get hurt as to harm someone else. I guess this goes back to my general good naturedness. Ok, back to the phone call. She was understandably shocked and hurt. She apologized and said that she felt like a complete ass or stupid something along those lines. I tried to tell her not to worry about it. She asked me how long I had been seeing her I responded with a couple of months. She asked me why George didn’t know, I told her that we don’t talk very often anymore with both of our typically busy schedules. We continued that discussion for several minutes and I told her that I would love to be able to accept the offer. I am not currently able to recall my exact words but I assured her under any other circumstances I would have said yes and loved to have gone on a date. There of coarse was an uneasiness on the phone after that. We talked for another minute or two and told me that if things didn’t work out and I wanted to give her a call in the future not to hesitate. I thanked her for the offer and we concluded the phone call.
Ok, on to the fun part. I had decided that I was going to go on a date with her. I know that is completely opposite of most of the advice I received but I decided what the hell. You only live once (right Heather) and I could really use the dating experience. So I came to the conclusion after some additional consult with trusted officers. That so long as it was one on one dating and not lets go to the park so the kids can play I would go. As soon as she said the parade with the kids I knew I had to get out of there. So I told a lie. Even though this chick has no clue who I am and I have no responsibility/commitment to her I still felt like crap afterwards. Why didn’t I tell her it was because of the kids? Why didn’t I just tell her the truth? This goes back to those little white lies that are sometimes necessary to protect people. She is a single mother, I have no experience with this personally but from my dealings with people otherwise single moms don’t get a lot of dates just simple because of the kids. I didn’t want that to be the reason she heard from me. As I mentioned I would not have a problem taking someone else’s kids in if I got involved in a serious relationship with a women who had kids. I do not want them now which plays into one of the negatives about this whole thing. But, I didn’t want her to look back on this and say that no one wants to date her because she is a single mom. I would have rather fed her a lie, which she might see right through, than to out and out say that the kids are the reason. So what was going through my mind yesterday? I was trying to deal with this without over analyzing which was one reason I decided that one date couldn’t hurt and planned on accepting. Several things. A big factor was the kids. Like I said above I would not shy away from a relationship with children already a factor at some later point in my life. That however is not what I need to try and deal with at this stage. So this factored against the date. A positive factor, I was really looking forward to having a first date and getting some more experience in the dating game. I was trying to break out of the shell a little and experience some aspects of life I have little experience in. Ok, before I say my next sentence you might want to hold on to your chair or just go ahead and sit on the floor. The idea of getting laid also appealed to me. Why wouldn’t it right, I am still a guy after all, one with some restraint of typical guy things but still a guy. I gathered more information as to my possibility of getting laid at a latter conversation with George after I turned Pam down. I will get into this a little later on. Besides these issues I had some personal ethical/moral issues that I was trying to combat and deal with on this subject. I would imagine single moms with small children are always looking for father figures that they can try and incorporate into their lives. I guess I fit her profile of someone she would trust and love to see raising her kids. I really can’t say for certain that this is the case but the idea of bringing her kids on the first date kinda’ led me to that conclusion. It is a possibility that she was using them as a buffer for the first date to eliminate some of those uneasy and awkward silences. In any case I too feel that kids need a father figure and since there are a lot of single moms out there the good ones are hard to find, this is just as hard to find for the women who do not have kids. In fact, you ladies that do not have kids should be outraged. Here is the woman who is trying to take from your selection of men (not me in particular, more of a general statement, ok wait, me in particular ;-) ). I am also troubled by the fact that I would be mommy’s boyfriend for a month or two and then not be around anymore. There has got to be physiological research that says that this screws the kids up even more than not having a father figure in their lives all together. One minute mom is seeing this guy and the next she has another bo’ in tow. Now I am sure that there are plenty of other guys out there that will jump in and fill the vacancy that I left and not even think twice about the ramifications. But, personally I think I will sleep better at night knowing that I was not a contributing factor to the way these kids are going to end up. You can argue the reverse point to this as well, what will the kids end up like if I had been in there lives even for my brief stint. After all is said and done I am happy with my decision. In my latter conversation I found out some more information that I thought was interesting. I learned of some of Pam’s promiscuity which played into two different aspects of my decision both a good and a bad. That would have made it easier to have been a tag it an leave it relationship playing into the shocker above. That would have been nice, but I was advised to “double bag it” if I decided to pursue it any further. This also plays into my past point of many boyfriends and possibly daddy figures in the kids lives. As much as it would have been nice to been in a tag it and leave it relationship I will wait for one that does not have so much attached to it. I have noticed I have reached to two page point so I will close and perhaps update more this weekend. Please don’t hesitate to tell me your opinions on this situation. Keep in mind that I am still looking for single females without children as I am NOT currently seeing someone unless she has kids and wants to bring them along on the first date.
- Larry
Ok, on to the fun part. I had decided that I was going to go on a date with her. I know that is completely opposite of most of the advice I received but I decided what the hell. You only live once (right Heather) and I could really use the dating experience. So I came to the conclusion after some additional consult with trusted officers. That so long as it was one on one dating and not lets go to the park so the kids can play I would go. As soon as she said the parade with the kids I knew I had to get out of there. So I told a lie. Even though this chick has no clue who I am and I have no responsibility/commitment to her I still felt like crap afterwards. Why didn’t I tell her it was because of the kids? Why didn’t I just tell her the truth? This goes back to those little white lies that are sometimes necessary to protect people. She is a single mother, I have no experience with this personally but from my dealings with people otherwise single moms don’t get a lot of dates just simple because of the kids. I didn’t want that to be the reason she heard from me. As I mentioned I would not have a problem taking someone else’s kids in if I got involved in a serious relationship with a women who had kids. I do not want them now which plays into one of the negatives about this whole thing. But, I didn’t want her to look back on this and say that no one wants to date her because she is a single mom. I would have rather fed her a lie, which she might see right through, than to out and out say that the kids are the reason. So what was going through my mind yesterday? I was trying to deal with this without over analyzing which was one reason I decided that one date couldn’t hurt and planned on accepting. Several things. A big factor was the kids. Like I said above I would not shy away from a relationship with children already a factor at some later point in my life. That however is not what I need to try and deal with at this stage. So this factored against the date. A positive factor, I was really looking forward to having a first date and getting some more experience in the dating game. I was trying to break out of the shell a little and experience some aspects of life I have little experience in. Ok, before I say my next sentence you might want to hold on to your chair or just go ahead and sit on the floor. The idea of getting laid also appealed to me. Why wouldn’t it right, I am still a guy after all, one with some restraint of typical guy things but still a guy. I gathered more information as to my possibility of getting laid at a latter conversation with George after I turned Pam down. I will get into this a little later on. Besides these issues I had some personal ethical/moral issues that I was trying to combat and deal with on this subject. I would imagine single moms with small children are always looking for father figures that they can try and incorporate into their lives. I guess I fit her profile of someone she would trust and love to see raising her kids. I really can’t say for certain that this is the case but the idea of bringing her kids on the first date kinda’ led me to that conclusion. It is a possibility that she was using them as a buffer for the first date to eliminate some of those uneasy and awkward silences. In any case I too feel that kids need a father figure and since there are a lot of single moms out there the good ones are hard to find, this is just as hard to find for the women who do not have kids. In fact, you ladies that do not have kids should be outraged. Here is the woman who is trying to take from your selection of men (not me in particular, more of a general statement, ok wait, me in particular ;-) ). I am also troubled by the fact that I would be mommy’s boyfriend for a month or two and then not be around anymore. There has got to be physiological research that says that this screws the kids up even more than not having a father figure in their lives all together. One minute mom is seeing this guy and the next she has another bo’ in tow. Now I am sure that there are plenty of other guys out there that will jump in and fill the vacancy that I left and not even think twice about the ramifications. But, personally I think I will sleep better at night knowing that I was not a contributing factor to the way these kids are going to end up. You can argue the reverse point to this as well, what will the kids end up like if I had been in there lives even for my brief stint. After all is said and done I am happy with my decision. In my latter conversation I found out some more information that I thought was interesting. I learned of some of Pam’s promiscuity which played into two different aspects of my decision both a good and a bad. That would have made it easier to have been a tag it an leave it relationship playing into the shocker above. That would have been nice, but I was advised to “double bag it” if I decided to pursue it any further. This also plays into my past point of many boyfriends and possibly daddy figures in the kids lives. As much as it would have been nice to been in a tag it and leave it relationship I will wait for one that does not have so much attached to it. I have noticed I have reached to two page point so I will close and perhaps update more this weekend. Please don’t hesitate to tell me your opinions on this situation. Keep in mind that I am still looking for single females without children as I am NOT currently seeing someone unless she has kids and wants to bring them along on the first date.
- Larry
| 16:37 
