Men & Women
My day finally is coming to a close. Do you remember the drug commercials... "This is your brain... this is your brain on drugs. Any questions?". To best describe my day just replace 'drugs' with school or more specifically micro processors. I had about decided not to post a lot today, matter of fact that is what I told a friend will chatting online earlier in the evening.
So what changed my mind...?
I got online and started looking at the "matches" for my profile. I had actually thought last night a lot about what I was going to post today. That was part of the reason that I didn’t get to sleep until after 3:30 (damn mind, it never stops!). Anyways, I got on Match and started looking around and just got that damn mind of mine going again. I pondered last night human kinds need for relationships. We all have this desire to be in a stable and happy relationship. This desire seems to be breed into us from birth the desire to find "the one" that we can spend the rest of our lives with. I will admit that I too am guilty of this desire, but I look around me and see people torturing themselves over the idea of a "perfect" relationship. My belief is that ALL relationships take work. This also cannot be a one-sided work, both parties have to actively involved in trying to perfect the relationship. You can't have a relationship with your self (at least not in the since that I am referring to). If you could there would be no reason to date other people. Both parties have to work through their faults both emotionally and mentally. We all go into relationships with emotional baggage, our significant other should be one that we can entrust some of this baggage with and get some help carrying it. I also feel that there should be some level of attraction on a physical as well as an intellectual and emotional level. Now, some would call me shallow for saying that there has to be some physical attraction but we are all guilty of it. You don’t do a double take at some "ugly" person walking down the street and say "I bet he/she could hold a really good conversation". I do use the work ugly very loosely because we all have our expectation of beauty. I would say to you that I am not the most attractive person, but I don’t think that I am that bad off plus I can hold a good conversation with you (or at least write one ;) ). My point is that there has to be some degree of attraction, no matter how good of a conversationalist or personality, you have to be able to stand to look at each other. What really baffles me the most is the drastic differences between the two sexes. I know there is a book out about this, I can somewhat remember the title but I don’t want to risk mixing the two planets up. I am sure I would never hear the end of that one. Perhaps someday I will have to read it. Once we reach a certain maturity level, we all start looking for "the one" some of us get there sooner than others. I know you have all heard the phrase that women mature faster than men, as much as I would like to admit that this not true I ultimately have to. Granted there are exceptions to this rule, myself included (I think). But women seem to be quicker to want to find their knight in shinning armor. I really hate to break it to you ladies but there are few of these out there. On the flip side there are few damsels in distress that would allow a knight to rescue them. Once again society steps in to ruin something that was once good. I have this habit of opening doors for ladies, just one of those things. I don’t do it to impress people; it’s just something I do. I will also confess that society has also taken its toll on me. Some things that would go along with the chivalry that women look for I have lost. This is because it has become socially unacceptable. I do have to thank my parents for what little bit I have kept. But women, in general, are looking for guys with these qualities that they could perceive as raising their children. However, since not many of these men exist they have been forced to choose from societies children and deal with the lack of qualities they were once looking for. This acceptance level varies for woman to woman, but most have accepted this fact. Sill they hold on to these grand ideals and when their man fails to live up to this standard they become upset. Now ladies I am not going to say that you should outright forgive your man, I will get into this in a minute. But, society has destroyed the majority of the mythical creatures that you are looking for. I would encourage you to set your chivalric standard high and then if need be adjust it, don’t just find the first guy that comes along because part of the dream is dead. Merely look, you may find that there are more of these creatures that possess qualities you are looking for than you realize. Sometimes they can be a bit shy. Ladies you also have to keep in mind that we are guys. Sometimes you have to understand this and allow the lesser of the species time to catch up. In our defense though, some of the things you ladies come up with to test us is just absurd (damn Cosmo), you have to admit that at times your not the easiest of folks to get along with no matter how much we love you.
Now on to the part that the ladies are waiting for, I am going to help you man bash. We guys are just hard creatures to deal with aren’t we? Most of us are stuck in our ways and getting us to change is literally pulling teeth. One thing I have noticed is that most men are not really that observant. I consider myself to be a student of behaviors. I observe people and record their actions and interactions (mentally, I don’t write them down, though if I did I could have several notebooks full on some of you). I have noticed that guys in general though seem to pay this very little attention. Guys, if you know something pisses your lady off… DON’T DO IT! If we could follow this simple rule our lives would be much easier. Women want us to pay them some attention; it’s really not that hard. They seem to be impressed with even the very smallest of actions. You can think society for numbing them enough to look for even small gestures. Now I told the ladies earlier that they should let us off the hook if we should not live up to the chivalric standard. This should follow the three strikes rule. So you goof up once and a while, not really a big deal but if you can see that it means a lot to your lady then you damn sure better try harder next time. Who knows you may already be on strike two. Ok, this section is for the folks that do have a level of chivalry above the common man. It doesn’t always help! Take my word for it. I am coping with this issue as we speak and when I figure out what the secret is I will sell it to you! I have been told many times “you’re a great guy”. That’s nice and all but I am still single. Nice guys finish last is about accurate. I think that the key is finding the balance between chauvinistic ass and the nice guy, once this balance is achieved you should have to bat them away (I’m still waiting, bat in hand). I think I will close now before I get myself in any more trouble than I already am. Just think about it, be it that you are in a relationship now or are still looking like me. None of us are perfect; the question is what degree of ‘perfection’ can we tolerate?
- Larry
So what changed my mind...?
I got online and started looking at the "matches" for my profile. I had actually thought last night a lot about what I was going to post today. That was part of the reason that I didn’t get to sleep until after 3:30 (damn mind, it never stops!). Anyways, I got on Match and started looking around and just got that damn mind of mine going again. I pondered last night human kinds need for relationships. We all have this desire to be in a stable and happy relationship. This desire seems to be breed into us from birth the desire to find "the one" that we can spend the rest of our lives with. I will admit that I too am guilty of this desire, but I look around me and see people torturing themselves over the idea of a "perfect" relationship. My belief is that ALL relationships take work. This also cannot be a one-sided work, both parties have to actively involved in trying to perfect the relationship. You can't have a relationship with your self (at least not in the since that I am referring to). If you could there would be no reason to date other people. Both parties have to work through their faults both emotionally and mentally. We all go into relationships with emotional baggage, our significant other should be one that we can entrust some of this baggage with and get some help carrying it. I also feel that there should be some level of attraction on a physical as well as an intellectual and emotional level. Now, some would call me shallow for saying that there has to be some physical attraction but we are all guilty of it. You don’t do a double take at some "ugly" person walking down the street and say "I bet he/she could hold a really good conversation". I do use the work ugly very loosely because we all have our expectation of beauty. I would say to you that I am not the most attractive person, but I don’t think that I am that bad off plus I can hold a good conversation with you (or at least write one ;) ). My point is that there has to be some degree of attraction, no matter how good of a conversationalist or personality, you have to be able to stand to look at each other. What really baffles me the most is the drastic differences between the two sexes. I know there is a book out about this, I can somewhat remember the title but I don’t want to risk mixing the two planets up. I am sure I would never hear the end of that one. Perhaps someday I will have to read it. Once we reach a certain maturity level, we all start looking for "the one" some of us get there sooner than others. I know you have all heard the phrase that women mature faster than men, as much as I would like to admit that this not true I ultimately have to. Granted there are exceptions to this rule, myself included (I think). But women seem to be quicker to want to find their knight in shinning armor. I really hate to break it to you ladies but there are few of these out there. On the flip side there are few damsels in distress that would allow a knight to rescue them. Once again society steps in to ruin something that was once good. I have this habit of opening doors for ladies, just one of those things. I don’t do it to impress people; it’s just something I do. I will also confess that society has also taken its toll on me. Some things that would go along with the chivalry that women look for I have lost. This is because it has become socially unacceptable. I do have to thank my parents for what little bit I have kept. But women, in general, are looking for guys with these qualities that they could perceive as raising their children. However, since not many of these men exist they have been forced to choose from societies children and deal with the lack of qualities they were once looking for. This acceptance level varies for woman to woman, but most have accepted this fact. Sill they hold on to these grand ideals and when their man fails to live up to this standard they become upset. Now ladies I am not going to say that you should outright forgive your man, I will get into this in a minute. But, society has destroyed the majority of the mythical creatures that you are looking for. I would encourage you to set your chivalric standard high and then if need be adjust it, don’t just find the first guy that comes along because part of the dream is dead. Merely look, you may find that there are more of these creatures that possess qualities you are looking for than you realize. Sometimes they can be a bit shy. Ladies you also have to keep in mind that we are guys. Sometimes you have to understand this and allow the lesser of the species time to catch up. In our defense though, some of the things you ladies come up with to test us is just absurd (damn Cosmo), you have to admit that at times your not the easiest of folks to get along with no matter how much we love you.
Now on to the part that the ladies are waiting for, I am going to help you man bash. We guys are just hard creatures to deal with aren’t we? Most of us are stuck in our ways and getting us to change is literally pulling teeth. One thing I have noticed is that most men are not really that observant. I consider myself to be a student of behaviors. I observe people and record their actions and interactions (mentally, I don’t write them down, though if I did I could have several notebooks full on some of you). I have noticed that guys in general though seem to pay this very little attention. Guys, if you know something pisses your lady off… DON’T DO IT! If we could follow this simple rule our lives would be much easier. Women want us to pay them some attention; it’s really not that hard. They seem to be impressed with even the very smallest of actions. You can think society for numbing them enough to look for even small gestures. Now I told the ladies earlier that they should let us off the hook if we should not live up to the chivalric standard. This should follow the three strikes rule. So you goof up once and a while, not really a big deal but if you can see that it means a lot to your lady then you damn sure better try harder next time. Who knows you may already be on strike two. Ok, this section is for the folks that do have a level of chivalry above the common man. It doesn’t always help! Take my word for it. I am coping with this issue as we speak and when I figure out what the secret is I will sell it to you! I have been told many times “you’re a great guy”. That’s nice and all but I am still single. Nice guys finish last is about accurate. I think that the key is finding the balance between chauvinistic ass and the nice guy, once this balance is achieved you should have to bat them away (I’m still waiting, bat in hand). I think I will close now before I get myself in any more trouble than I already am. Just think about it, be it that you are in a relationship now or are still looking like me. None of us are perfect; the question is what degree of ‘perfection’ can we tolerate?
- Larry
| 00:37 
Wow, Larry! I think you could write the sequal to Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus... It's easy to remember M & M and Venus is a godess, hehe.
I am so glad that you chose to share these thoughts with us. Now, if we could just get you published, and get your half of the species to read it, the world would be a better place.
Yes, Women are difficult to get along with, but that ususally stems from some sort of emotional baggage, that we are lugging around alone, usually caused by one of your kind!
On another note, this post was very well written, and more indepth than anything I have shared with you so far! B~E~A~ uuuuutttttiiiiifffuuuullllll!
Posted by
shes_a_sprite |
August 01, 2004 1:23 PM